As parents we often create a long list for ourselves according to what we “thought” parenting would be like. When you bring that precious bundle home you are giddy to take everything in. You create a sweet little love story as you embrace that precious newborn and wonder how your friendship will grow. And much like the clever “Luvs” advertising you realize that life is not a fairy tale and simply far from perfect.
As a mommy I have yet to wrap my head around it. Those fairy tales still dance through my mind stirring up a fair amount of mommy guilt on a regular basis. For years I worked away from the home to keep our family afloat alongside my wonderful husband who so carefully devoted each evening to caring for two young boys. While working outside the home I was able to make intentional moments of time together with my boys because I knew when I would leave next.
Years later and with the blooming of my photography skills and blessing from God I was able to slowly work into being a Work At Home Mom. Wow, who knew that being a WAHM would be harder? Instead of having set work hours you are working all hours to keep afloat. I personally have struggled with placing my energy and identity in my success, forgetting what I had spent years praying for the opportunity to do, be at HOME.
Through a series of events that only God could orchestrate it has been brought to my attention the deep love that I have for my children. The only parallel on this earth that I have found to help me grasp the love of Christ and his willingness to die on the cross for me. As I stood up and spoke at the latest school board meeting and continue to fight for my children’s futures, as I have chosen to simplify my career goals and commitments and as I take time to not focus on furthering my photography career aggressively, but instead to just take things as they come my way. I also plan to pick back up on blogging and I realized that life has a journey and being a mommy is all about being placed just where you need to be.
The strangest thing has happened since, I have been at peace. It has been a moment by moment prayer type of thing but the overwhelming feeling is peace. I am sure that the timing is not accidental, in fact it is the very first Easter that I have truly grasped what it meant for Him to die on the cross. Much like the love I have for my kiddos except for the fact that He is perfect, so I don’t have to be.
PS. I am not quitting photography and never will be! I am simply choosing not to be intentional about advertising but instead creating and maintaining relationships with clients to bring a new level of creativity. Creativity not based on strict profit or self-fame. Creativity channeled to bring God glory through beautiful moments that he has placed you in today.